Family Loss

I start this post with a heavy heart. My loving mother was taken from us on January 23. The cancer that she had so valiantly battled for 6 years finally became too much. She showed me what it really meant to be a survivor. She never let this horrible disease change what she was going to do in this life. My mom took the news that one day she would die and spun around and said screw that I have life to live. Man did she ever live life after she was diagnosed. She hiked some of North America's largest mountains, traveled the world, and gave my dad, brother, and I more love then we even knew we were getting. She truly is my hero. I have been struggling with my loss but I must say it does help to have basketball to return to. At least for a few hours everyday and can forget about "real" life and work hard to become as good a player as I can. My mom would have wanted it no other way. When I came home for Christmas this last December, I sat and had a great conversation with my mom (one of our last). I was not ready to return to France. I didn't want to leave her because I knew something wasn't right. She grabbed me in her hands, kissed my cheek, and said "No tears, you go on, you live your life knowing I will always be with you." I left for the airport a few hours later not knowing that that would be the last time I saw my mom. She I think knew that I was going to be ok because I have my wonderful wife and second family the amazing Helbock clan. I cant say enough about how much I love you guys and how amazing you have been helping me through this.
I still have trouble at night, laying in bed my mind drifts to thoughts of my mom and I have trouble falling asleep. She gave so much of herself to so many and I am so blessed that she was my mom. I will miss her more then I think I even know right now. She is with all the angels and is sipping her coffee mug, walking the beach, and sending rays of sunshine from her big smile down to all of us everyday. I love you MOM!!
It has been very nice to return to France and engage myself in basketball. My teammates and the SIG organization have been so generous and helpful to me and I thank all of them very much. We, as a team, are starting to find ourselves. We have been playing very well over the last few games and especially this last Saturday night when we defeated Pau at home. Again I am very thankful that I get to play a game for a living and have the opportunity to not really have to grow up. I can find my release on the court for my sorrow and pain. But as my Mom always said to me before every game I played since Middle School "Play Big". I will continue to Play Big for Mom knowing she is with me everyday making sure I don't let down.
Thanks to all my friends and family who have been there for me, Jake, and my Dad. Keep checking in and feel free to leave messages!! Love